


Dianthus

by ShamanicShaymin



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: All the warnings are Akio's fault, Anthy is like 'utena stop reminding me of feelings', Betrayal, F/F, Fairy Tale Elements, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide Attempt, canon-typical triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 19:05:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13553673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShamanicShaymin/pseuds/ShamanicShaymin
Summary: It's better to stay in her coffin, dreaming of a prince whose face she cannot remember. Yet a certain duelist keeps surpassing the Rose Bride's expectations...An interpretation of Anthy's thoughts on Utena throughout the series.





	Dianthus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Panny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panny/gifts).



> Happy Chocobox! January 2018 was hell on earth for reasons I won't elaborate since it'll take attention away from this fic. Anthy is my favorite character from Utena for many reasons, one of them being she's not as simple as she seems and nobody can fit her into a certain box or label without there being a thousand contradictions challenging it. Just as well, right? This is my take how Anthy's feelings on Utena throughout the series changed and evolved.
> 
> I titled the fic "Dianthus" since well... you can poke at the meaning and symbolism of the word for hours. Like how it's a fusion of the Greek words "dios" and "anthos!" Like how the color pink may have been named after Dianthus! Or the less exciting interpretation that I got the title from listening to the Dreaming Mary OST as I wrote this fic, which has most of the song titles named after Dianthus flowers. That too. XD
> 
> Special thanks to Kita for betaing!

 

> _But he, that dares not grasp the thorn_  
>  _Should never crave the rose._  
>    
>  —Anne Brontë **  
> **

  
It was dark inside the coffin, but at least the Swords of Hate can’t find her here. Every time she left, they’d strike her instantly. Every insult you can imagine ( _witch, bitch, whore_ ) assaulted her from every side. No, it was better to stay here. Be cold, be alone, be blind. At least the darkness smelled of roses.

Roses... Roses kept her safe. Roses guarded the lid of her coffin, binding it shut with their thick stems and delicate petals. Thorns as sharp as the blades of the swords cut every intruder who dared attempt destroying her sanctuary. She remembered the last piece of advice Dios had given her, and she murmured it to herself to help her sleep:

_As long as you never leave, you’ll be okay._

~

_She’s the same as the rest of them._

That’s what Anthy decided about Utena Tenjou. The Rose Bride system was perfect for testing character, and not one duelist passed it. How many times had the witch heard, “I won’t use you this way” or “I’m better for you than the others?” What about her favorite: “I’ll protect you?” It was far too much, and all those promises had frittered away like the petals of a losing duelist. The more convinced the duelists were of their righteousness, the more likely they _would_ use her. They’d be no better for her than the last challenger she was engaged to, and at worst, become the very thing she would need protection from.

Not that it mattered. The gate won’t open, and eventually, the cycle would start over again.

~

This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was supposed to _let her go._

Anthy stared at the handkerchief given to her, and next thing she knew, she could’ve sworn she saw Utena sitting across the table from her, with that bright smile and boy’s uniform and pink hair and warm voice and infectious optimism and—she’s getting ahead of herself.

_“Anthy is a normal girl like everybody else!”_

Every time she said that, Anthy could feel the Swords of Hate twist inside her. _Miss Utena, stop. You have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m not normal, I’m not ordinary, I’m not good. When you learn the truth about me, you will HATE me. So give up and be the normal girl you’re convinced I am. It’s better this way._

_If you’re going to hurt me, so be it. I will break you and choke you and make you bleed, and you will understand the true meaning of hate._

~

Anthy expected Utena to lose. What Anthy _didn’t_ expect was the flash of Dios inside her; Utena was more honest about what she was fighting for. She was the girl who wanted to be a prince, and she was letting no one—especially not Touga—stand in her way. It was agreed then, that while she and Utena may not always see eye to eye, they worked well enough together in the duels. It was time, the Rose Bride decided, that she introduced her to her brother…

~

“Good night, Anthy.” Akio whispered. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

As the Rose Bride closed her eyes, she hoped she’d dream in black-and-white: of lilies, cows, finches, milkshakes, hair-clips, and butterflies and caterpillars and eggs.

Anything but the stars.

~

Once upon a time, Dios introduced a little girl to his sister. The orphan’s jaw dropped in horror at the sight: there was a young girl like herself—a witch—dangling like a ragdoll from sprawling silver blades that seemed to stretch towards eternity. Tears pricking her eyes, the orphan vowed she would save the witch and set her free—in order to do that, she planned to become a prince herself. After kissing away her tears, Dios assured her that as long as she kept her pure and noble heart, she would.

For the first time, Anthy Himemiya had a friend.

The witch knew that the prince existed—or was it a silly fairy-tale she made up for herself to keep sane? Through the stabbings, the betrayals, the heartbreak? Was it a lie made up by the Rose Bride to comfort her each time her hopes were crushed? No matter how hard she tried, she could not remember the prince’s face.

~

If Miss Tenjou was as “pure” and “noble” as she was supposed to be, Akio would take those virtues away. The would-be prince would be seduced by the actual prince. The familiar jealousy needled at Anthy as Akio weaved his golden tapestry, luring Utena into the castle of eternity… but something else plagued the Rose Bride, something that made the jealousy miniscule in comparison.

Akio did this with every duelist; she shouldn’t be surprised. So why the pit of dread in her stomach as she watches him drive away with Utena? Why the nausea while she holds the candelabra, and the flames go out one by one in a smoky whimper? Why did she _feel?_

Anthy wasn’t supposed to have a heart. She never had one.

Witches don’t have hearts.

~

This wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to _let her go._

Why did Utena stop her? Why?

Why was she torn in pieces and why did it hurt and why did she feel terrible _what had she done to this girl_

“No. I’m the one who should be sorry, Himemiya. I was the one who cheated you! I was the one who used you! I was the one who betrayed you...”

The worst thing is Anthy can’t tell her she’s wrong.

~

Anthy can’t do this. She can’t, she can’t.

She can’t be so close to believing in someone, only to lose them again. She can’t afford to have hope within her grasp, only to be yanked by the chain once more. What about the Swords of Hate? Would they go after Utena too?

It’s better to be stabbed by one sword than a billion. It’s better for Utena to survive and hate her than it is for Utena to endure eternal punishment out of love. It’s better to go back inside her coffin and never come out... **ever a g a i n...  
**

~

“Himemiya!”  
  
A trick in the light? Another illusion? Another bygone memory of Dios?

“Himemiya! Himemiya!”

_Leave, Utena. You don’t want to stay in this coffin with me._

“Himemiya... At last, we meet...”

It was her. It was _her,_ her long-lost friend who vowed to find her all those years ago. The thicket of thorns that shielded her for so long had parted. Tears streamed down the witch’s cheeks and never stopped.  
  
“Miss Utena!”  
  
“Himemiya! Give me your hand!”  
  
“No! Get out of here! The swords...”

“Your hand…! Now…!”

Each time the witch protested, Utena responded the same. Finally Anthy realized...

Utena wasn’t trying to save her. Not anymore.

She was trying to _reach_ her.

With hesitance—and blooming bravery—Anthy extended her hand for Utena’s...

~

She wasn’t innocent; she wasn’t heartless. She wasn’t pure; she wasn’t tainted. She wasn’t a witch; she wasn’t a princess.

She was human.

She didn’t know what to expect anymore. This brings her pride.

_No matter where you are, I swear I’ll find you. Wait for me... Utena._

It was Anthy Himemiya’s turn to fulfill a promise; someday, she and Utena Tenjou will shine together.

She didn’t need her coffin anymore.


End file.
